die liao… January 18, 2009

Few weeks ago I received this letter from MINDEF to report for a vocational assessment at Sembawang Naval Base  on the 13th Feb 2009.

Didnt though much of it other then another round of test to gaugue your EQ, IQ, medical/physical, physco-metric  level.  Since I am residing  in Yishun I assume that the army was kind enough to post me to the nearest base to do these test(which is sembawang)

last week I was in school for my FYP presentation

Apparently only a few of the guys got the letter. I was as clueless as them about what this letter was and why we were the few who got it.

Last night I was at Kian Kai’s BBQ and happen to tell my mates about this letter. Their response was with more gusto then me doing the chicken dance:

“HO SEI LIAO!”

“SONG BO!!”

“MATI LA !”

“HAHAHAHAHA!”

It seems like I’m most PROBABLY going for a assessment as a Naval Diver.

Those who have to report to Heddon Camp for their assesement are probably going to be enlisted as commando and those to Sembawang naval base assessed for  the naval diving unit.

I did a search and it appears that they looked out for three things,

-PES A grade for medical check up

-Preferably Perfect eyesight(diver can’t wear specs)

-Is a  human being

I fit the  above criteria. Dope.

My swimming skill is probably on par with that of a floating log.

So long singapore….

Boys will be boys January 15, 2009

I have this friend who was recently caught by his girlfriend for having some pornographic material on his laptop.  He swears by the saying: “hell has no fury like a woman scorned”.

I do admit men look at pornography and me being a dude freely admit  I occasionally do surf porn. Any man you pick off the street would be guilty of that. 

 

It is a addiction  for some but in my opinion not as bad as drugs or alcoholism. As long as you do not let it control your life and let it remain in your deepest fantasy, I guess it is as good as a a gaming where killing innocent players is acceptable in the cyber world but in this case with pornography being less socially acceptable.

 

Going straight to the point. Like it or not porn is a turn on for guys, even the most honest and religious person. It is a habit many can’t kick. hmmm come to think of it. I have never heard of guys going cold cock  from  porn before.. I mean cold turkey..okay okay not funny…

The point is spouse and girlfriend should’t take it upon themselves  and use it as a reason to unleash hell on “him” because Men are more of a visual creature unlike woman

Woman on the other hand are also guilty of another type of porno. I do know of someone who reads romance novel day in day out.  She  was on it for days and I swear she was talking to the novel.

 

One day I got curious, picked up the book she was reading and flipped through the pages:

“His chest was her pillow, and oh, did she drool.”

 ”Her embrace made his manhood swell like week-old roadkill on hot asphalt in the Georgia sun.”

 

O god, you dun see guys cracking up because youre reading romance novel and fantasizing, Its completely normal and is a fodder for your imagination and might just be your ticket to escape reality.

 

Oyea I stopped reading the novel when I came across this line:

“His musculine finger throbbed as he slid them deeper and deeper into  my moist … nostril!!!”

 

 

**I made the last line up but honestly porn is not big deal as long as no children or torture/abuse is involved and he still stay faithful to you.

 

And that friend who was caught is definately not me. SERIOUS!!!!!

chronicle of Regeek January 8, 2009

Went out with Huda, Linda and Derrick and we decided to  have our dinner at Fish & Co(The glass house).

Quite a nice place with live band rocking out in the background crooning to songs like Damien rice’s “Cannonball“.

Just when the band was halfway through their third song, Cassie’s “Turn the lights off“

The lights went off.

There was a blackout right in the middle of our meal. Well not quite mine actually. I am a pretty fast eater and just when the black out happened I was probably down to my last few french fries.  HAHA screw you slow eaters!! EAT IN THE DARK NOW!

 

Out came the candles and POOF! goes the service charge on the bill!

 

**I was bullshitting about the Cassie”turn the light off “, Probably some lame arse song they were singing.

I’m rather down on my luck recently.

I took my younger brother wallet by mistake and only realised it when I was about to board the bus.

I  boarded the bus anyway being the lazy arse I am.

10 minute into the ride/sleep I was awoken by this Purple looking shadow tapping my shoulder.

For a moment I though I was in my dream and  the soul of the purple paint I spilled the other time on the travellator was coming back to haunt me.

Rubbed my eye alittle and I realise purple shadow was actually the bus conductor. Damn dreams!

I remember him saying  in a blury voice: “BOY.. EZLINK TAKE COME OUT.”

Two things went through my mind,

 

Punch the blury looking man in the crotch and run the heck out of the bus!

OR

I could just give him my ezlink and stick to my number one motto in life “In times of great distress and gloom, just act blur.”

I choose the latter.

Well, it ended pretty short of an exciting story.  He took my ezlink, I closed my eye and pretend to sleep. He started to crosscheck the ezlink picture with my face. I pretend to sleep even harder.

Then he said”Ok, thanks”and passed the ezlink back to me and went off the next stop

 

 Part of me was felt relieved. Then I though hard. Damn hard. I almost wanted to press the emergency door button and pulled the bugger back  and say this to him:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!??

COME BACK AND TAKE A CLOSER LOOK!!!

MY brother

 

 

 

 

And me

 

LOOK ALIKE   

  MEH!???

 

 

I think more handsome right?…..sob…